Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Why Mum Guilt Can Just Do One

I vowed to always be honest on this blog so with the risk of perhaps exposing a bit too much of myself, I wanted to share with you the things I’ve felt guilty about today. The things I can remember at least. There’s a point to all this so bear with me. 

Things I’ve felt guilty about today 
  • Not getting washed and dressed prior to the boys being awake
  • Having my shower before getting the boy sorted even though he was awake 
  • Giving the boy a breakfast cereal that I know contains sugar 
  • Giving the baby toast again 
  • Being late for playgroup
  • Deciding to brush the baby’s teeth when we get home because we were running so late for playgroup 
  • Not having the right money for playgroup so now owe it for next week. 
  • Not having more money full stop. 
  • Not working more hours to earn this money 
  • Working at all when I could be at home with the boys
  • Catching up with a friend for a few minutes while at playgroup and therefore not sitting and engaging with the boy 
  • Making him wait for his squash at snack time because I hadn’t managed to get it while sorting out the food and now there is a queue
  • Telling him off for whining in the car
  • Giving them both cheese sandwiches for lunch
  • Giving the boy some cheesy puffs with his lunch
  • Not having any cucumber in the fridge 
  • Not eating a healthier lunch as I’m still breastfeeding and never quite sure if I need to be eating better 
  • Not playing with the baby after his nap (boy at preschool) because I was doing some work on the computer and then some blog stuff
  • Giving the boy a little bag of Haribo when he arrives home
  • Putting the TV on for them both 
  • Not tending to the garden so now it’s all overgrown and the boys shoes are all wet from the grass
  • Not buying a cover for the trampoline for the winter and now it’s all grimy
  • Not taking the boy out on his bike more 
  • Not cleaning up the outdoor toys I bought from Gumtree
  • Not playing Playdoh with the boy as I wanted to get dinner sorted instead
  • Going on Twitter on my phone
  • Getting dinner sorted later than I planned because of going on Twitter
  • Not being better at getting vegetables into the boy
  • Letting the boy have an unhealthy pudding before his banana
  • Nagging him to tidy up his toys 
  • Spending too much time looking at phone
  • Making him giggle at bedtime even though I know I need to wind him down so he goes to sleep quicker and doesn’t wake the baby
  • Having a glass of wine with dinner


Right, I’m going to stop there. I feel quite exhausted writing all that down but it’s all true. I know I’m not the only one that feels constant mum guilt and I know it’s not healthy. And while I’m not sure if there will ever be a day I don’t torture myself this way, I guess the trick to lessening it is to try and change our thought processes. So for example, using the first four points in the list, here is how I could have viewed them: 


  • Not getting up, washed and dressed prior to the boys being awake…. I was allowing myself some time to relax in bed before the chaos 
  • Having my shower before getting the boy sorted even though he was awake… Getting myself sorted first so that I can concentrate on geting on with the day and supporting the boys fully 
  • Giving the boy a cereal that I know contains sugar… He’s getting some food which also contains vitamins and there is calcium in the milk 
  • Giving the baby toast again… he’s getting fed and he’s enjoying his breakfast




So although I can’t claim to have a hold on mum guilt, I do know that in the grand scheme of things the boys are OK and I’m doing OK. If our children are happy, loved and nourished then putting this level of pressure on ourselves is just not on is it? We owe ourselves a bit more than this, surely?



22 comments:

  1. I hear you, Momma! I feel guilty for all of these things too, but it does show that we're all pretty much the same. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

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    1. Yes we are all feeling it and need to give ourselves a break x x

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  2. I think everyone gets mum guilt all the time! I feel it on a daily basis! I like how you turned it around though :) I think I should try that!
    Lx
    http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
    #MarvMondays

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  3. Ah, you aren't alone in feeling so much mum guilt on a daily... Those days can be tough! Looking at the positives, as you have at the end of the post, is the only way to get yourself through the day really. You are doing great! #marvmondays

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    1. Thank you so much x And you are too :) x x

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  4. You are not alone!!!! I have felt guilty about all of these things at one point or another, it is exhausting! ! #MarvMondays

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    1. It sure is. We forget just how much good we are doing too x x

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    2. Popping back in from #bigpinklink

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  5. Before I read your last paragraph about changing your thought process I had thought to myself - Every point in your list could be spun to make a positive! You have no reason to feel guilty - your boys are loved, are well looked after and have clothes and food. In short your job is done - everything else is just a 'desirable'! #DreamTeam

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    Replies
    1. Oh that's so true thank you. We all need to cut ourselves some slack x x

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  6. I hear you! I think we all suffer from mum guilt at one time or another, the main thing is we do our best for our kids and that's all that matters. Us Mums bloody rock! :)

    Thanks so much for joining in with #MMBC. Hope to see you next week x

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  7. I think the fact that you care so much about all of those things shows what a brilliant mum you really are. Mum guilt can engulf us if we let it, and it doesn't do any of us any favours. I think we're all doing the best that we can and that deserves a hug. The guilt can - as you say - do one! Thanks for linking with #DreamTeam x

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    1. Thank you so much. It's so important to keep it in perspective isn't it? x x

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  8. Mum guilt is the worst! I'm constantly worrying about these things too! #twinklytuesday

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    1. It's so hard isn't it but we should all go easy on ourselves x

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  9. I have felt guilty about all these things too. I love how you haven started to turn your thinking and the guilt on it's head. It is very similar to my approach. I often sort myself before the girls now. One is in her cot and safer there than running around when I am in the shower and the other is old enough to come and get me if she wants. There is no need for all the guilt all the time. I hope you can flip the other things too. Have that wine... It is bloody deserved!
    Thank you for joining the #BigPinkLink

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  10. I think it's normal to have a certain level of guilt, it just shows we care and want to do our best. But we need to be easier on ourselves! Glad you're starting to think of it more positively xx #TwinklyTuesday

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  11. Love this post! I experience the mum guilt a million times a day and I agree, it can do one!! Some days I'm a terrible parent, others I excel myself, it all levels out! #twinklytuesday

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  12. Well there you go this is our house every day lol love this post Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please

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  13. I hate mum guilt! I love my sleep so quite often stay in bed whilst hubby gets up with the kids! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

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