Why I’d last about a day in a zombie apocalypse (thanks, kids).

Let’s get one thing straight. I would be AWESOME in a zombie apocalypse. Fact. However my kids would suck in one and thus, I’d be lucky to last out the week. Let’s look at some of the key requirements of surviving one and I’ll explain why…

Staying hidden

Now, I’d be pretty good at hiding. I’d make sure I was properly concealed. I’d maybe read a book, catch up on a bit of sleep etc. My Kids? They are crap at it. See the below examples for evidence.

Keeping Quiet

Again, I’d nail this. However, my dear children are utterly incapable of keeping quiet for longer than 3 seconds. Once, I thought they’d achieved a full minute of silence but it was because I’d left some of my chocolate out.

Obtaining supplies

Now, I reckon I could stealthily do a quick scour of the local shops, rummage through a few neighbourhood cupboards and be back in no time. However, my kids would a) have to be told 4356 times to put their shoes on b) one or both of them will have lost their coat c) they would cause all manner of havoc because we were going shopping and not to soft play d) they would do that thing where they go all rigid like a plank so you can’t strap them into their car seat.

Surviving on rations                                                             

Let’s face it. Unless we had an endless supply of cheesy puffs we’d be screwed. Plus all the other things they like eating, such as bananas and cheese, are perishable. Look at the infographic from Data Label below which states just how long food would last in this type of situation. The bright side is, is if we survive 5 years plus we can still all enjoy a custard cream.

Avoiding zombies

The simple fact of the matter is, whereas I would avoid zombies at all costs, my children would make it their life mission to touch one, simply because I’d told them not to. And if I employed reverse psychology and told them to touch one, they would still touch one. DEAD.

So there you have it. 5 reasons my kids will be the death of me come the zombie apocalypse.  

But don’t forget, I would be awesome in one.

*Data Label provided this infographic