Wednesday, 7 June 2017

I'm not ready!

I‘m not going to lie, there have been times over the past few years, if we’ve had a tough day or if he’s bouncing off the walls, where I’ve thought, bloody hell, roll on September: he’s ready for it, he needs the structure. But now that it’s very nearly here, I have to be honest, I’m really, really struggling with the idea.

He has been my little shadow now for over four years and to think, during the daytime, he’s not going to be pottering around after me, nagging me for snacks, declaring his theories on life (today’s was that once heaven is full, the deceased will have to reside in jails) and just generally chatting away, well that just fills me with dread.

I think it’s the fact that there’s no choice involved; my little boy is going to be there Monday to Friday, rain or shine and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

Come September, there will be no more impromptu weekday trips to the library or park to fill the hours, which until now had at times, seemed endless and impossible to fill.

There will be no leisurely mornings where we stay in our pyjamas and where he has about three types of breakfasts, one after the other.

Suddenly time is slipping away, and where I once felt we had nothing but days and hours, weeks and months, now it’s leaping away from me and I can’t for the life of me hold on to it.

I know, I really KNOW that he will be fine, that he will flourish, that he’s not really going anywhere, that this will be the making of him and that he’s ready (even if I’m not) but come September, I imagine I will be that mum, the one trying not to cry at the gates as I wave him off to start his new journey, one that I can’t entirely share with him x

son boy

Sticky Mud and Belly Laughs
Pink Pear Bear
3 Little Buttons
Hot Pink Wellingtons
DIY Daddy

43 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aw this is so lovely! I have a little love who is two haha and they really do become your companion to share everything with, I feel sad to think he will be starting his own adventure, one which I can't be part of! Adore your blog :D xx

    elizabeth ♡ ”Ice Cream” whispers Clara
    (lets follow each other on bloglovin or instagram)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you :) Oh it sure does fly by doesn't it. He's so ready to go now though I must say!!!

      Delete
  3. Awww, don't worry. I will be right there doing the same thing. I thought we had the whole summer ahead of us, but it's flashed past way too quickly. No more last second getaways either *cries. Good luck for your first day! #Bigpinklink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, you too :) I just know they will be fine, they'll love it x x

      Delete
  4. Sending you positive thoughts and sunshine for the first day - a momentous occasion for both of you. I think probably harder for you. He's going on a new adventure as you watch him go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you :) I just know he's going to love it x x

      Delete
  5. I always say it's so much harder for the mummies than the kids, it is tough but believe me, you will soon get used to it and enjoy your new freedom. And school holidays will be a joy x
    #mmbc

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very true! He will absolutely love it, I'm sure of that :) x

      Delete
  6. I'm a teacher and I often think that it's harder for parents on the first day of school than it is for the children. The funny thing is that when I became the parent I realised that the questions that parents wanted answered were very different to those I had envisioned when I was only a teacher!

    I think it helps for you to have something nice planned for that first morning too. Coffee with a close friend or a shopping spree can help you relax a bit more. I hope that he has a great first day :o)

    #MMBC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd love to hear about it from a teacher's point of view, you must get all sorts of questions from worried parents :) I will definitely plan something lovely for the morning x

      Delete
  7. My little one doesn't start till next year but it's already making me a little anxious

    #bigpinklink

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't worry, they really do flourish when they are there :) x

      Delete
  8. Summer goes way too quickly! Enjoy the last couple of weeks before your boy starts school. There's always the school holidays to spend plenty of time together x #MMBC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's very true, I think we will appreciate the time a lot more x

      Delete
  9. Very sadly, letting them go is part of being a good mum. You love him, he knows that and if he struggles he can run right on back home for a cuddle

    ReplyDelete
  10. Aw bless. I'm sure he'll do fine... and you'll both find new ways to live and love. I like another mums suggestion to ask them if you can tell about your day, and the success it brings in getting them to talk about theirs. Good luck #dreamteam

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ours are going into 1st and 4th grade. I cannot believe where the time has gone - so fast, I have whiplash! Enjoy every second, even the totally crappy ones! <3 #bigpinklink

    ReplyDelete
  12. #sharingthebloglove Oh my love he'll be fine, but gosh, the minutes go like years and the years go like minutes!
    Celine, Bell from Bow

    ReplyDelete
  13. I totally understand this and imagine it will be hard to let my babies grow. They are like butterflies that need to learn to fly one day. #bigpinklink

    ReplyDelete
  14. Mine is only 3 so I have some time yet! I think it will be exciting as well as sad. Kinda mixed emotions! Best of Luck~

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi, the prospect of our little ones start school is scary. It's their first big step away from us. My son is twenty and I can still remember the worry I had over him starting school all those years ago. But that year I learned something, something that has also stayed with me and that is that nothing is half as difficult as our imaginations have us believe. That doesn't stop me from feeling concern,it just helps me keep things in perspective.

    As for missing your little shadow? It won't be long before you are loving that bit of time to do what you want or need to do and also looking forward to time with your son.

    Goodluck to the both of you and thank you for linking up with the #MMBC.

    XX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, that's a really good point to bear in mind! He will be fine x x x

      Delete
  16. I so relate to his. My daughter starts school in September and I am nowhere near ready either. I feel sick when I think about it to be honest, she is still just a baby, not long turned four, and whilst I know that she will be fine....will I? Thank you for joining us at #bigpinklink

    ReplyDelete
  17. I was exactly like this last September it's very tough time letting go just a little bit Thank you for linking to #ThatFridayLinky Please come back next week

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone must feel this way but they will flourish :) x

      Delete
  18. Our little boy is starting school for the first time next week as well. Its such a big step and although like you, I know he will be fine, it is such a big step and it feels so restrictive after all the years of freedom. #ThatFridayLinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. so true, it's going to be weird to be ties down to a schedule x x

      Delete
  19. I know I'll be exactly the same next year - I don't think we'll ever be ready as parents for that huge step! I love our days together (mostly!) and I love the freedom to be able to head off on an adventure, or to be able to pick him up early from nursery if I feel like it. I think I'll struggle with the structure, let alone him! I hope it all goes really smoothly for you both. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you sweet, I worry about the structure too, it feels very limiting but I know routine is also good for them. Big changes x x

      Delete
  20. I cried on our girls first day, as did a few others. You certainly won't be alone. It's a big ch age for you all, I hope it goes well. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

    ReplyDelete
  21. Oh I am with you. All of this, literally all of it. Even though he drives me crazy on a daily basis, I am so going to miss him around the house. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, I hope you're ok. Just remember he will be FINE I promise x x x

      Delete
  22. This was me last year and my eldest daughter starting school. She was so ready for it and very excited, but I just wanted to have her home with me and I would miss my buddy. I'm sure you will be fine on the day. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    ReplyDelete