Friday, 26 January 2018

Ghosting- How To Let It Go

Last year, out of the blue, I was unceremoniously friend-dumped. What I had truly believed to be a happy, unique and special friendship apparently wasn’t all it seemed because without warning, at least any I had observed, it ended. There had been a lovely meet up, Christmas presents were exchanged, there were hugs and promises to do it again soon and that was the last I ever saw of her. To say that it stings would be an understatement. I was, I am, completely devastated. There’s not been a day since that I haven’t wondered what went wrong, where it went wrong, when it went wrong and what I could have possibly done to cause or deserve it but I draw a blank every time because simply, I don’t know. But it seems I’m not the only one to have experienced this, so much so that a word has been coined to describe it; Ghosting. Ghosting is when someone you care about cuts contact without explanation. Ghosting is a rejection. It’s the ultimate silent treatment and it leaves you powerless.

Letting it go
This year I know I’ve retreated into my shell a little bit more as a response. It feels safer in there. I’ve held people at arm’s length and while I do cherish my friendships, I’m sure I haven’t nurtured them the way I should have. To be frank, I’ve been scared that if I throw myself into a friendship the way I did before, then it’ll hurt just as bad, if not more, again. That will change for 2018. My friends treat me with respect and deserve to know how special they are to me.   

Friendships can change and evolve the way that people can. Sometimes one person changes, grows or changes in ways that no longer sit in harmony with the other person and so that friendship dwindles, begins to flicker and fade or goes out completely. If you’re left behind, it’s not your fault. It’s no reflection on you as a person or your worthiness as a friend.

I can’t claim to be healed from this experience yet, it’s still pretty raw, but what I’ve learnt is that you cannot control what others do, what they say or how they treat you, but you can control how you react to it. And this for me, means holding my head up high, accepting this and peacefully letting her go.  

ghosting, sea, lonely


Rhyming with Wine
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21 comments

  1. I feel so sad reading this. I've had lots of friendships that have dwindled or faded over the years, with no bad feeling, just distance or lack of time as our lives have evolved. To actually drastically cut contact is another thing though and I can see how that would really hurt. You have the right way of looking at it though. Let it go lovely. Let time take it's course and try not to take it to heart. Sending hugs. Thanks for linking to #DreamTeam x

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    1. Thank you lovely, I really do appreciate your words. You're very right, I shouldn't take it to heart. Thank you again x

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  2. Getting ghosted is never fun, and unfortunately, it's all too common, especially as modern friendships have transitioned to rely more on social media and technology. Here's to new friendships for 2018!

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    1. Yes that's a very good point, perhaps some friendships are built around social media which surely can't help x

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  3. What a strange thing to do. I'm really sorry to hear this has happened to you. I've had similar over time (as Dawn has explained so well ^^) but a sudden nothing almost feels like it's an on purpose thing. Keep that chin up, it will soon wash over you and you won't give her a second thought in time to come. Thanks for sharing with the #DreamTeam xx

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    1. I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. Thank you for your kind words lovely, they really do mean a lot x

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  4. I've heard of this so much over the past year and have experienced it myself...it always feels so cruel to just ghost someone rather than talk about whatever the problem is. I think you're right though, letting go of it is the only way forward. Bigs hugs lovely xxx

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    1. I'm really sorry to hear that you've experienced this too, I agree, it's the not knowing what the issue is that really hurts. Thank you for your lovely words, I really do appreciate it x x

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  5. I hear about this happening a lot lately and I'm always surprised. I've had lots of friendships over the years that have either dwindled, or exploded, but to have one finish abruptly like that with no explanation must be really difficult to get your head around. I can completely understand how an experience like that would make you question all of your friendships, but it reflects more on your friend than you. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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    1. Thank you Katy, it's taken a lot to start to believe that its no reflection on me but i know deep down that I did nothing wrong. Thank you for your kind words x

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  6. This happened to me a few years ago. I was 9 months pregnant and saw my friend for their birthday just as normal. 3 days later I gave birth and I never heard or saw them again. No explanation. I think as a result I've held myself back too. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

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    1. Laura, I'm so sorry to hear that, it's utterly bizarre. Completely their loss. Please know it's nothing you've done. Sending lots of love x

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  7. Most of my old friendships are still going on. It's more my NCT ones I feel lost from. After spending a year in and out of each others pockets, we've all splintered off - me working full time, someone else just because, the group was pretty much split off because 1 person was ignoring 3 of us from all the things that were organised for the other 4, 1's gone abroad and one's left Facebook so no idea what she's doing. They're the ones I feel sad for, but because all the kids go to different schools, there's no need or pull for any of us to make the effort. And I'm only free at weekends when the others do family things. It's hard to let go, but sometimes you just need to get on with those you can see #sharingthebloglove

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    1. Yes, I guess sometimes life can take you in different directions. Thank you for your advise x x

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  8. I wouldn't say I have all that many friends these days, probably none really if I think about. I have people I talk to and all that, but not really friends in a close sense. Everyone has kind of faded say since leaving school. It's sad really but I guess I'm ok with it.

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    1. I think friendships get harder as you get older and it's not unusual to not feel the same closeness as you used to with people. I'm sure they still care for you and in time when kids get older for example, there will be more time to work on becoming closer x x

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  9. So sad, horrible to lose a friendship especially when you don't know why. Hope with time it feels less upsetting. #sharingthebloglove

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    1. It's definitely the not knowing that hurts but thank you, it's easier to deal with now x x

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  10. It sucks doesn't it? It's happened to me too and I just don't understand why people feel it's acceptable to treat others in this way. The least we deserve is an explanation. I hope you feel better about it all person and know that you are the better person. #sharingthebloglove

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    1. Oh chick I'm so sorry to read that. You certainly don't deserve that, some people can be so cruel. It's no reflection on you lovely x x

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  11. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you - it seems so strange to just completely cut off contact with someone :( #SharingTheBlogLove

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